I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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