I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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