I want to have your abortion
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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