So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
