I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
