So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
