whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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