people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
