She's JV to your varsity
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
