Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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