i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you would pick up someone in the library
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
