I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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