Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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