You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You left your phone here
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