just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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