If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
