Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
