He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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