it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
