Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
