Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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