I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just gargled with NyQuil
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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