when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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