Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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