Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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