Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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