i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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