He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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