I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
