Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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