She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
These tits shall not be calmed
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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