My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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