The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
