Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just high enough for therapy.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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