Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
