can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
