You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
