why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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