if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
