she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
So vagazzling was a success
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
