Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
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