I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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