I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
