I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
