Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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