Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
