Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
