At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
