I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My boob is missing a layer of skin
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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