Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
