I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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