can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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