I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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